I’ve never been one to make New Year’s Resolutions or set goals. Those feel too confining & restricting and almost imply the likelihood of failing. Yet this year, I have started a whole set of new ventures. And then proceeded to fail at most of them.
The year began with a newfound love of creativity. I tried out hand lettering, sewing, painting, and even opened an Etsy store. The item I sold most – wooden tags that were hand painted then lettered with a fruit of the Spirit word – had to be discontinued because I could no longer find a supplier for the wooden tag.
I also tried sewing, thinking I could sell pillowcases. I don’t think I was given the sewing gene because I could barely get past threading the needle properly! There is a lot of concentration that must go into sticking a frayed thread piece into a tiny needle head.
Needless to say, I had to close the Etsy store because I wasn’t making money and it was more of a frustration & disappointment than anything. Fail #1.
I tried my hand at creating a lovely space for veggies, herbs, and flowers to grow. I’ve spent most mornings this year outside watering and picking weeds. Then, our trees filled in and blocked out the sunlight the plants needed to grow. I have picked the tiniest handful of chives, and that is the extent of my harvest. Fail #2.
Yes, this year I’ve been told a couple of times that I wasn’t being a very intentional friend. I know I don’t plan time with friends who live further away and seem to just let months pass as if everyone is busy in the day to day. But this comes across as hurtful to others who think I don’t want to spend time with them. Fail #3.
First, I have to say thank you to those 100 or so of you who usually read my posts. You really encourage me and those who leave comments or “like” my stuff, wow. That means SO much. Writing a blog is mentally and emotionally hard. There are plenty of people out there who will tell you how simple it is to grow your blog to thousands and thousands of pageviews a day and say that you can make money in a matter of months. Umm…. I bet that’s true for someone. But over here in Failureville, no. I don’t want to keep spamming my friends repeatedly with, “Hey, look over here at my awesome blog post! I’m a mediocre writer but maybe you’ll like my topic?” I bet I’ve had some FB friends unfriend me because I’m annoying. But somehow, I keep writing? So far though, feels like Fail #4.
Toward the end of last year, I was desperate for community with women. I didn’t really want to discuss mothering or parenting, but topics about being a woman and being a follower of Jesus. So in January, I started a group through our church. We began with 8, then 2 never came back, then 1 moved away. By the end of the spring, we were at 5, with not everyone coming every single week. In mid-March, we (as a family) felt led to start going to another local church, even though we love the church we’ve gone to for many years. Since our group has broken for the summer, we are supposed to pick back up in a few weeks and possibly add some members. But now that I attend another church, I’m not sure that I’ll be able to continue to lead these ladies… Fail #5
I suppose I could go on and on. I’ve had ideas for businesses that were thought not good enough by friends. I’ve tried to find ways to earn money but God keeps closing the door or telling me, “not for you.” I think of projects to do around my house only to discover I need my husband’s help or the cost is too high. So the ideas are put on hold. These things may seem trivial but add them all up and they can weigh heavily on a person.
I bet you or someone you know has felt the same way.
My days often feel purposeless or as though I’ve failed. But perhaps, this is all part of the learning process. I know that in my weaknesses, the One who is Strong will make me strong. The One who has conquered all will give me hope for tomorrow. Lamentations 3:22-23 (ESV) gives me reassurance:
The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
A very wise friend recently gave me this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:24 (AMP), which I hold on to dearly:
Faithful is He Who is calling you [to Himself] and utterly trustworthy, and He will also do it [fulfill His call by hallowing and keeping you].
The hope may come as soon as the morning, but I will choose to grasp the hope that comes in eternity as the air I breathe and the quencher of my thirst.